Hurts to Think
by KatieKarev
Summary: Alex had enough crap for one life time, Jackson is trying to move on from Lexie, and April, well, she can't seem to find the right words to tell Alex her secret.


_**AN: _ Italics are flashbacks._**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter One<strong>_

_**I can't till if it's you or the drink, it's too hard to know, and it hurts to think…**_

"Dibs," Alex Karev said slamming his shot glass down on the table and looking over at Jackson Avery who was sulking in his chair because of the little Grey. Alex on the other hand was not going let Avery get to him. He had a "beyond" crappy night with the whole ambulance and killing three people thing. Then walking all the way back to the hospital with Meredith and the baby and having April waiting on him. April, she was another story completely. However, that sexy brunette at the bar was getting ready to make it all better.

"Dude, she's too young for you, she looks like she's twelve," Jackson said twisting his beer around with the edges of his fingers. The girl Karev was eyeing looked amazing, the ones he chose always did but he couldn't stomach the thoughts of Alex corrupting this girl. She looked sweet in a subtle way that was hidden beneath the bent lines of her curvy figure.

"Some women like their men older just ask Lexie," Alex smirked as he began to walk away. Jackson could have beaten the shit out of him but he just let it ride and waited for the girl at the bar to reject Karev, most of them did.

Meanwhile, across the bar Alex was eyeing the girl figuring out a game plan. He sat down next to her sighing relief when he noticed her drink. "Twenty-one." He mumbled and she glanced over at him with dark green eyes.

"Excuse me?" She asked with somewhat of an accent he didn't quite recognize. She was stunning. Her lips were the perfect pouty pink and the angles of her face met in just the right shape. Her hair was dark wavy and long, it perfectly framed her piercing eyes. She was a goddess and not the kind Cristina was always looking for but he knew this would be the best sex he'd had since Izzie, if he could get her out of here.

"Nothing," he stumbled not sure of himself, "I just saw that you were drinking and I realized that you had to be twenty-one."

"Twenty-five actually," she corrected nodding her and tossing him a slight smile. He knew he was freaking blowing it. Then he looked up at her when he heard her shout, "Joe, could you get this guy a drink? He looks like he needs it."

Joe laughed and grabbed a small glass for Alex's usual double shot of whiskey. Alex groaned and ran a hand over his face as Joe sat down his drink. Alex clapped one hand around the glass and looked over at the goddess, who was eyeing him from the corner of her eye. He smirked and she giggled before downing the rest of her tequila.

"Do you come here often?" she asked and Alex smirked at her. She giggled and shrugged.

"That's the best you could do?" he countered with a mocking expression. She busted out laughing before she turned on the bar stool to face him showing off her legs in a short black corset dress. Her lovely face suddenly set with a glare.

"Well, I am usually the one getting hit on," she stated firmly and twisted back around to face the bar. He chuckled and shook his head.

"So you admit you were hitting on me?" He questions and she just scoffs. They sat in a moment of complete silence. "Do you wanna get out of here?"

"Your place?" she answered with a question as Alex fished out money from his wallet to pay Joe for his and her drinks.

"Sure," he said laying the money down with one hand while she grabbed the other. He smiled to himself as he let her lead him into the dark night.

The air was sharp and cold. It stung when it hit your skin. Alex noticed the chills rising on her bare shoulders as he shrugged off his jacket and draped it around her. She turned and flashed him a bright smile. It was the kind of smile that made him forget about crappy nights or Izzie. The kind of smile he knew April also had but tonight she had been a source of the crap. The kind of smile that made you kiss the person smiling at you so that is what he did.

"Where's your car?" she uttered softly after pulling back from their kiss. He grinned and grabbed her hand leading her to his little mess of a car. She smiled at him before she opened the passenger's door and slid in. He followed her lead getting in the car himself before taking off to Meredith's.

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><p>Meanwhile back at Joe's Jackson Avery is joined by the chief resident herself April Kepner. April was hoping to catch Alex before he left with his nightly entertainment. She needed to explain herself. What she had said to him back at the hospital was nothing like she meant. She didn't know what had been happening between them lately and she was sure he didn't either. They needed to talk about things. She needed to know what to do and she needed she help, his help.<p>

"He is going to avoid you," Jackson stated matter-of-factly. She tilted her chin up and rolled her eyes. She knew she was nothing Alex was looking for but some part of her had hoped he would see she needed him now. She was there for him through everything. She sat by his bedside when Lexie had gone back to Mark after the shooting. But Lexie was another story. She was sick of Lexie freaking Grey, she had been cleaning up those messes for almost two years now and by the look of Jackson she had another Lexie Grey mess to clean up.

"I know that," April whispered. She truly did know that. She knew Alex Karev better then most did, she certainly knew him better then Jackson Avery did. She certainly knew him better than that brunette she had spotted him leaving with.

"Just get a beer April, enjoy the night. For once don't focus on Karev," Jackson encouraged flicking the condensation from his fingers. April shook her head. She wouldn't be having a beer tonight. She closed her eyes and remembered the conversation she had with Alex when he got back to the hospital.

_Her back slid down the cold hard brick wall until her butt was planted firmly next to him on the cold wet ground. It had stopped raining hours ago but the ground was still wet and the sky was dark from the night. Her thin scrubs did little to protect her from chill in the air. She knew he needed someone to watch his back. She had secretly been trying to do this since he ratted out Meredith but there was only so much she could do and she knew he was going to self-destruct, especially, now. _

_ She wasn't sure where to begin. This thing with her and Alex was complex and confusing and the last thing she needed was for him to yell at her over something that wasn't exactly all her fault. She felt his hand slid over top hers and she turned her head to give him a weak smile. He pulled her closer. Sometimes she felt like she was his anchor. She was an escape from reality and yet the very thing that keep him planted firmly in the real world. So she wasn't sure where to begin because saying it the wrong way could ruin everything between them. It was a "them" that didn't really exist but they were some sort of twisted them. _

_ She felt his arm snake around her middle and her back was pressed against his side as he breathed in the vanilla scent of her hair. "Alex," she mumbled as his lips pressed to the back of her head. _

_ "Can we not talk for once April?" he asked and she stilled. She knew she needed to tell him but she just nodded instead. She sat there and let him relax as she thought. She needed to talk to someone about this and the only person who knew what had been going on with her and Alex was Lexie but April didn't want to get Lexie involved. Everything Lexie touched turned into a mess. "Thanks."_

_ It was simple, the word but coming from Alex it was overwhelming. She knew that a thank you from Alex would never happen again so she took it in eagerly and continued to sit in silence with the mess they had made a secret. It was a secret mess that would put to shame the life of Lexie Grey's messes. _

"Come on, April, it's a beer, drink it," Jackson said shoving it towards her. But before she could think of a lie a hand had swooped in and saved her.

"I'll drink it!" Lexie Grey shouted before knocking back half the mug. April smiled at her with tight lips. "Besides we all know Alex Karev isn't worth drinking over."

Jackson rolled is eyes as Lexie sat down beside April. He hated that Lexie didn't love him but he couldn't stop his best friend from being friends with her. Jackson could tell that April was in no mood to drink and but he could also tell that Lexie and April were sharing a secret he didn't know but he planned on finding out so he went to get more beers, one for him and one April. He would find out.

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><p><strong>AN: So this is my first story in the Grey's world. So please just read and review. Just tell what you. I would love input. Thank you so much. <strong>


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